Introduction

The following summary is drawn from Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s new book, “Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose,” which will be published by Portfolio on Jan. 27. The article below is compelling and illustrates that, after retirement, the fundamental human need to feel valued is critical to enhancing one’s mental and physical health.

Most people plan carefully for retirement finances and physical health. Still, few prepare for what the author calls a “mattering span”: how to continue feeling useful, seen, and capable of making a difference. Research shows that neglecting this carries serious consequences. A 2020 meta-analysis of more than 3,000 retirees found that nearly one-third experienced depressive symptoms, especially those forced into retirement. Psychological losses—feeling less needed, connected, or valued—strongly predict post-retirement depression.

With more than 11,000 Americans turning 65 each day, sustaining a sense of “mattering” or feeling valued has become a central challenge of aging. The critical question is shifting from “How long will I live?” to “How will I continue to matter?”

What “mattering” actually means.

The concept, introduced by sociologist Morris Rosenberg in the 1980s, refers to feeling valued by others and believing one’s life makes a difference. Evolution wired humans to need this; being valued once meant survival. That wiring remains. When people feel they matter, they flourish. When they don’t, they suffer. In studies of suicidal men, words like “useless” and “worthless” frequently appear.

Feeling valued can be understood through four components, summarized by the acronym SAID:

• feeling Significant (seen and essential),
• Appreciated (valued for contributions),
• Invested in (cared for and supported), and
• Depended on (needed by others).

Retirement often disrupts all four, stripping away roles that once provided structure and affirmation.

Helping to Enhance Your “Lifespan”

A 2024 Canadian study found that although retirees plan well financially, fewer than half seriously consider what daily life will look like afterward. Lifestyle planning—not money—was the strongest predictor of retirement satisfaction. The biggest challenges were psychological and social: boredom, loss of identity, and weakened connections. The researchers concluded that retirees need deliberate strategies to stay engaged.

The author illustrates this through her father, who instinctively protected his sense of mattering. He joined social groups, mentored students, and cultivated familiar community spaces, including a neighborhood restaurant where staff noticed and valued his presence. When he was absent due to a family illness, they expressed how much he was missing, confirming that he still mattered.

The article’s central message is clear: a satisfying retirement depends not only on financial security and health but also on intentionally cultivating ways to remain significant, appreciated, supported, and needed. In a longer life, mattering is not automatic; it must be built.

The power of invitation—and purpose

The article then emphasizes the power of invitation and purpose. Significant life changes often strip away everyday social connections, leaving people unexpectedly isolated. One retired teacher rebuilt her sense of belonging simply by saying yes to small invitations—coffee, a book club, casual meetups. Each “yes” restored the connection. Extending or accepting invitations, the author argues, is a mutual act of mattering: it signals both that you value others and that you allow yourself to be valued.

Beyond connection, retirees also need chances to add value. Research shows that purpose strongly predicts retirement satisfaction and mental health. But what many people crave most is the experience of being depended on. Those who regain it often follow a simple pattern: they find a real need and meet it with their time, talent, or treasure.

The Repair Café movement illustrates this. Volunteers help neighbors fix broken household items, but the more profound impact is social: retirees like Dean Gallea, a former engineer, match skills to community needs, strengthening everyone’s sense of usefulness and belonging.

Conclusion

The article concludes that life transitions will inevitably shake our sense of value. The way back is to make ourselves useful again, often in small, human ways: checking on someone, inviting a neighbor, or helping a struggling family. Paradoxically, the fastest way to feel that you matter is to show someone else that they do!

Engage Estero, a volunteer, non-political, resident-focused engagement organization, has several essential positions that it would like to fill. If you have an interest or an aptitude for any of the following, please get in touch with us at info@esterotoday.com

• An experienced individual with social media expertise to help enhance our SM communications.
• An experienced individual with a track record of securing financial support for our organization, e.g., membership, donations, sponsorship.
• We are looking for those who would like to join the Healthcare Committee, which focuses on communicating important topics to residents and liaising with Lee Health, a valued supporter of Engage Estero.
• Equally, if you would like to talk to us and see how else you can play a valuable role in what we do, please do not hesitate to get in touch.